Clocks Spring Forward One Hour on Sunday (March 12, 2023 in case you're here from the future.) This means we will be in Daylight Saving Time. It's also a great time to remember to put new batteries in your smoke detectors. Then put the old batteries in a pillowcase and carry them around for self-defense. Or recycle them.
Every year at this time I feel compelled to renew my research into time. It's waaay complicated you guys. But, until the Deep State Oligarchs finally share time travel technology with the rest of us, my research must continue!!! We need to figure this time thing out so that I can have more time to watch my stories and try new foods in the air fryer.
We're still waiting to see if Time Change will go away forever. Some Provinces have already voted to get rid of Spring Forward/ Fall Back. These Provinces are now waiting to see what other Provinces and certain regions of the USA are going to do. We all need to be in on Time Change or it kinda doesn't work. #WaitToSee
Every year I end up covering the same things... Time Change is terrible... Time Change is brilliant... Time Change is both... Here come the links...
- There are stats about heart attacks, traffic accidents, energy consumption, and Ultracranky coworkers (not you, everyone else.)
- The time change might conserve energy, or it might not (depends on what study you look at).
- SOME studies say car accidents go up after the time change because our concentration gets all messed up, but another study showed that more daylight resulted in better driving outcomes (suggesting the Spring Clock change might be a keeper.)
- The time change also helps the golf industry make more cash.
- Also, we're all used to doing it, so it might be hard to adjust to never changing the clocks again.
- The time change might conserve energy, or it might not (depends on what study you look at).
- SOME studies say car accidents go up after the time change because our concentration gets all messed up, but another study showed that more daylight resulted in better driving outcomes (suggesting the Spring Clock change might be a keeper.)
- The time change also helps the golf industry make more cash.
- Also, we're all used to doing it, so it might be hard to adjust to never changing the clocks again.
From the archives but still valuable information (~ $1000000 valuation) ...
⏰How to deal with messed-up sleep patterns:
😠Issue: Crankiness.
Solution: Just go with Cranky as your new normal. Maybe you used to be Happy-Go-Lucky... well, it's somebody else's turn to be nice now. Send an email to all your contacts explaining that you have chosen to become a jerk, and that people should "deal with it." and that they "need to calm down, Nancy."
Problem solved. (Fact: People love it when you tell them they need to calm down.)
😠Issue: Crankiness.
Solution: Just go with Cranky as your new normal. Maybe you used to be Happy-Go-Lucky... well, it's somebody else's turn to be nice now. Send an email to all your contacts explaining that you have chosen to become a jerk, and that people should "deal with it." and that they "need to calm down, Nancy."
Problem solved. (Fact: People love it when you tell them they need to calm down.)
😫 Issue: tiredness.
Solution: Get a pair of glasses with eyes painted on the lens. Wear them to the staff meeting and people will think you're super-alert... but really you're dreaming about how you deserve a raise.
💔 Issue: increased risk of heart attack.
Solution: handcuff yourself to a cardiologist.
🚗 Issue: Traffic Accidents.
Solution: buy an Electromagnetic Pulse Device on the Dark Web and crank it up to 11. This will disable all the vehicles around you, rendering them harmless. Note: does not work on horses. It would suck to go to all the trouble of disabling every car for a hundred miles, then get run over by a horse. Don't get cocky.
Here are some other (better-researched) ways to counteract your lousy stinkin' time change mood...
- Force Yourself to Smile... (it can trick your brain into being happy)
- Stand up straight (you had it right, mom)
- Force Yourself to Make Small Talk (Pro Tip: if you're terrible at small talk like me, bring a microscope to work and carry it around all day. When people are like "what's the deal with the microscope?" You can say it's for small talk. It's a terrible Dad Joke, but the commitment is pretty hilarious.)
- Put your hands up (like you're gonna be arrested?! 30 seconds of that and you're less stressed somehow)
-Do a good deed!
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| Results may vary |
⏰ Some Daylight Saving history...
I thought it was a Ben Franklin idea... but it might've just been a Ben Franklin sense-of-humor joke...
a guy in New Zealand also thought about Daylight Saving in 1895... then the great great grandfather of the lead singer of Coldplay had Daylight Saving ideas too. Then Coldplay had that "Clocks" song!? There are no coincidences!!
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Good info to know: time is an illusion.jpg) |